


Texts

by CMDAK



Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Fluff and Crack, Gen, M/M, Texting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-01
Updated: 2016-03-04
Packaged: 2018-05-24 05:04:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6142366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CMDAK/pseuds/CMDAK
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There is nothing out of the ordinary about two people texting. Even if one is a dangerous assassin who could kill you with his pinkie and the other can erase your life with a simple touch of a button.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Pulling on the Quartermaster's ponytails

**Author's Note:**

> This fic does not actually have an ending, but it will start from the two of them not being together.
> 
> Contains images

For someone who claimed to be a full grown adult, Q had absolutely no problem acting like an immature child. Okay, so the metaphorical age regression happened only when he was dealing with him, but you never saw M act like the Quartermaster when Bond _accidentally_ lost most of his expensive equipment.

 

“That’s because M didn’t spend countless hours planning, drawing, calculating, or assembling the devices,” Eve casually pointed out, looking like she was guilty flinch a lot more than her expensive coffee. “Then there’s the fact that the car you totaled this time was being worked on during his free time,” she could really try to be kind and shoot him with a poisoned bullet if she wanted to kill him, “nor did she give you a prototype on which Q spent two years worth of salary and three years working on from which you didn’t even bother to bring back a single button.”

 

You would think that a double oh agent was trained to resist this obvious emotional blackmail, but Eve was cheating because Q was in the middle and James really wanted to bang his head against the table until he passed out. “How was I supposed to know that? It’s not like he told me how important that suit was.”

 

Eve arched a perfectly plucked eyebrow. “The Quartermaster practically _begged_ you—” She grabbed his hand when he jumped on his feet, pulling him back down. “Don’t you know it’s rude to interrupt someone guilt tripping you? And if you are thinking about going in his branch, I must warn you that he’s turned on the security system and added you on the enemy list.”

 

“I’m going back to Costa Rica—”

 

“I hope you burn into a crisp,” Q breathed out as he power-walked by him, putting his ear buds into his ears and turning on the iPod to full volume when James tried to talk with him.

 

“Your attitude and soul have spots, you teenager!” The agent called out after him, giving up his chase not because he was intimidated by the too plain looking watch Q had pulled from his pocket, but because it was rude to abandon someone who had forced you into having lunch with them.

 

His phone buzzed then and he took it out, eye almost twitching at the message he had just received.

Eve didn’t even bother to try to pretend that she didn’t just read an obviously private message that didn’t have anything to do with her. “Do you seriously have Q written down as—?”

 

“Don’t spy on a spy, Eve,” James hissed, flicking her nose.

 

She glared at him, but silently admitted that she had it coming. “Anyway, this little vacation of yours far away from him might just be the best—”

 

“I wanted to go back to Costa Rica to see if I can find every button and thread of the suit,” he growled low, turning away from Eve so he could text without being judged.

 

 

James snorted and hid his phone from Eve’s eyes. “And Boothroyd said that I am the one who needs to grow up. Well, we’ll just see what the good old Major has to say about our precious genius throwing this hissy fit.”

 

Eve almost chocked on her coffee when she was realized what the agent was doing. “James, leave the poor Major out of this. And leave Q alone as well; you pulled on his ponytails enough for a month.”

 

“I want my bloody wallet back to bring him back what is left of his prototype.” Best case scenario: he will end up having to dig through the airport’s garbage to find it. Worst case scenario: he will end up taking a long vacation in the city’s garbage dump, bribing people left and right to help him find it. “And if he won’t lift the ban, then I will get the Major to _force_ him do that.”

 

Eve sighed, rolling her eyes. “You _both_ need to grow up, honestly. And you need to properly apologize to him and actually do your best for this not to happen again.”

 

James huffed at her and left her alone, concentrating on preparing the right speech to prove to the Major that it really wasn’t his fault this time and that it was Q who needed to see the light. Of course the former Quartermaster didn’t believe a single word he said, but he did promise to ask Q to give him his wallet back if that meant that Bond would ‘stop bothering a poor, defenseless, old man while he is trying to enjoy his retirement’.

 

It didn’t take longer than five minutes after he had ended the conversation for his wallet to be returned to him by a very upset looking minion who didn’t even bother to look in the direction of the deadly agent and disappeared the second the man opened his mouth, wishing to give the Quartermaster a message.

 

“That was extremely rude,” he muttered, fishing out his phone. “Q should really teach his little pats some manners.”

 

“I can assure you that his cats would have even more success getting information out of targets than you,” Eve teased him, leaning her head in the palm of her hand. “What stupid thing are you doing now?”

 

“Texting Q my heartfelt _gratitude_ for returning what was mine.”

 

“Unlike you, who failed to bring back even the bloody earwig,” the woman muttered, easily slapping away the napkin thrown at her head.

 

James almost hissed at her, but told himself to ignore the woman. And the feeling of what he assumed to be guilt – it had been a long time since he felt that, so this might just be the black coffee he had reacting with a bad egg or something.

So he still insisted on acting like a child? Two can play this game,” he whispered and Eve face palmed, pushing her chair back so she could get up.

 

“James, stop tugging of his braids. Take him out somewhere, don’t be a prick for more than five minutes and maybe, just maybe, he won’t consider you his worst enemy,” she tried again, but James couldn’t hear her as he was still too busy waging a text war with his Quartermaster.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :D Thank you for your kudos and comments~
> 
> Ended up using two different websites so that is why provider differs (because I had no idea Virgin no longer existed, ups) and dropped the time stamps because one site had them and another didn't.
> 
> And a thank you to Rasa for searching for the pictures :)

His phone buzzed. Of course it did since that wicked thing had a really bad habit of doing so in the most inopportune times. Putting the moves of a beautiful lady or interesting man? Phone rang because he was being ordered back to MI6 for a mission. Sitting on the toilet because he was human despite what everyone thought? Video conference forced on him. And now messages while taking a shower at three in the morning. Well, at least the grudge bearing Quartermaster had waterproofed his phone in that one week he was sure water had something against all the equipment he bestowed on people.

 

He dropped the phone. Then he scrambled to pick it up, rubbing his eyes before looking at the picture again. Then he pinched himself and looked again, amazed that he was indeed seeing his almost naked Quartermaster smiling at the camera. Was this the man’s way of telling him that he was forgiven? Because if that was the case, then James will make sure to get into more fights with him. But before that happened, he needed to let Q know that his apologizes were accepted.

 

“And what better way to do that than to send him a picture of me? Maybe he’ll even ask me to be his trainer. He does need just a bit more meat on those dangerous bones of his,” he muttered, striking a few poses before sending a picture in which he looked good without really trying.

His phone buzzed just as he was putting it down and he was feeling incredibly good, thinking that the Quartermaster had finally warmed up to him. But his good mood turned sour when he saw that he no longer had Q’s picture.

Ah, there’s that irritation he always felt whenever he texted with the younger man. It was a strange kind of irritation as he found it pleasing and entertaining, never really wanting to strangle him or bash his head up against a wall to see if he had a brain. Even if one had no knowledge of Q as the MI6 Quartermaster, his brain capacity was more than obvious if one simply read the latest text. James didn’t know many people that could insult him in such a way.

 

However, just because he was amazed by Q’s wit, it didn’t mean he would leave this conversation where it was, especially since the younger man had mentioned that he was sure he had deleted his number. No way in hell would he accept to be taken out of the Quartermaster’s phone, especially after all the hard work he had put in getting there. And then there was the fact that his manhood had been insulted.

Okay, private honesty moment with himself: _that_ fact was what bothered him the most right now. Who was secure enough to get such a picture of the Quartermaster? Where you could clearly see his birthmarks, moles, lines, bones, muscle, and his lack of clothes? What if the other phone was hacked? What if the other person was like Vesper? Or worse? No, that couldn't be; Q was smarter than him and he definitely checked every little detail before he started a relationship with anyone. Smart young man probably even had his army of minions triple check his findings, just to be sure.

They texted back and forth until the sun rose, the answers never more than a few seconds apart, something that made James feel very special and a bit bad because it meant that whoever was meant to receive that interesting photo of Q was definitely being ignored – unless Q somehow was multitasking, and thinking of that surprisingly made James need a cold shower.

That text didn’t get any response, so James assumed that Q either passed out or really got annoyed with him and blocked him. “Well, I’ll worry about that after a little nap,” he whispered, dragging himself to bed.

 

He was tempted to send him a quick ‘good night’ but he decided against that, just in case Q was a semi-light sleeper and another message woke him up.

***

It was passed midday when James finally woke up, Eve insistent calling turning out to be a type of alarm that even he couldn’t block from his subconscious. He understood that it wasn’t her fault and that it was M’s nagging that got him out of bed, but he really wished she could have pretended that she no longer had his phone number.

 

And the reason why he was dragged out of bed? M wanted him to sign and single, bloody paper, which wasn’t even an important one – something to do with his parking space within the MI6 and James wondered what he had done to warrant such a clear punishment.

 

“Q,” Eve said shortly, not looking away from what she was typing.

 

A wave of anger washed over him. “Q had M call me on my day off because I was teasing him this morning?” He took out his phone and dialed the man’s name, fuming. If he wasn’t getting any sleep, than Q wouldn’t either – and yes, he was a petty man.

 

“He didn’t do it on purpose.” He terminated the call before the first ring, pocketing the little device just as Eve was looking up. “If he covers for you when you pull crazy stunts during missions, why would he do anything else when you are in your downtime?”

 

James shrugged. “Well, I did accidentally cock-blocked him last night, so I assumed he wanted revenge for possible blue balls.” Eve raised a perfectly plucked eyebrow at him and he clasped his hands behind his back, suddenly feeling the need to also straighten up his back. “He started it and that is all I am saying in this private manner, Eve, so don’t even try to get more information out of me.”

 

“You know I hate wasting my time, James.” She stopped typing then and looked up at him, hinting that he was making her do just that.

 

“I won’t go until you tell me how he accidentally told M on me. Did he butt-dial her? Send her a text in his sleep?”

 

Eve snorted, shaking her head. “He walked in like a zombie close a little over seven and M overhead him cussing your name to a minion when he was asked why he looked dead on his feet.”

 

What the hell was Q doing at work after not sleeping? “Was there an emergency? Is he still dealing with it?” James asked horridly, leaning over Eve’s desk.

 

“You are aware that the Quartermaster has a mostly normal working schedule, right? That means that on Thursday, which is exactly what today is, he has to be at work. And to answer your question, he’s on his fifth cup of Earl Grey, snarling orders left and right because he thinks everyone is either moving too slowly, too fast, or too noisily.” She grinned then, resting her chin in the palm of her head. “I do so hope M and I didn’t bother your beauty sleep, James.” She was lying through her teeth and being obvious about it, but James held no grudge against her.

 

Actually, he felt kind of like a dick. Not like just any kind of dick, but like the biggest dick in the whole universe. “I didn’t know that about Q’s schedule,” he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. “What does he like to eat for lunch?”

 

Eve presented him with a list and off he went to get everything on it.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are love~


End file.
